Lord, I am amazed I didn't kill anybody... including myself.

I am 56 year old white male who dropped out of high school because of lame teachers and bullying students.

I outlasted a lot of negativity.

I outlived a lot of family and friends.

I been told to be God fearing, but, to be honest, from what I read in The New Testament, I thought of the Son of God to be forgiving of all our flaws and sins which is good because I met a lot worse souls than myself because for over 50 years. For, I can remember nothing but negative criticisms from people my own age at the time to sad adults who act like they barely graduated high school to the educated who treat me like I am below them. I got this from even my now passed own parents whom I really don't miss as much as I should.

I tried to prove myself by...

• Earning a G.E.D. to bypass low grades, lame teachers and a lifetime of bullying students.
• Graduating college with a one year business diploma -- although barely with mostly Cs, but rare Bs in "advertising", "business math", "politics" and, to my true amazement, "public speaking" too.
• Then I transfered most of my college credits to Miami University of Ohio -- where a past President and soon to be past Speaker of the U.S. House graduated.

Yet, afterwards, I worked 10 years in retail mostly in my lame birth city. Then I moved to the nearby big city of Cincinnati Ohio USA hoping to find more intelligent and mature enough people, but I decided to be a security guard for 16 years where I passed 31 online courses and earned a 10 year award from my security guard employer. I just could not find anything else better.

Yet, I became sad and depressed because I was working 6 to 7 nights week after week with no hope for my future until I finally found real true friends who will accept me for who I am when I met the happiest Mormon Missionary I ever met as well as a wonderful woman who understands me as I accept her.

In my end, when God asks me to explain my actions and thinking here on earth, my defense will be simple: "Lord, you should be grateful I did not kill anybody ... including myself."

Meditation helps.

If I, officially, knew about it decades ago I may have graduated with an actual college degree and running my own business, organization, store or meditation studio.

As is, my only realistic dream and goal now is to join or start my own small exclusive private meditation group with friends who will accept me for who I am.

Thanks and God bless.